CCW Turmoil Unleashed

   

 

The scene fades into Fausto's Soup Kitchen. The line has dissipated as most of the hobos are either sleeping on the tables or staring at random objects in the room in complete and total amusement. Fausto himself is washing out his giant metallic pot. The door is kicked in as Versus leads in his crew consisting of himself, Smythe's body guards, Rachel Chambers, and Alex Cooper in the back, looking dejected at what he's doing as usual.

Versus: “What in my name is going on here, Guybrush? What the hell are you doing with my back up stash, in my back up stash room, with my back up stash metallic pot and back up stash cafeteria tables?”

Fausto: “What back up stash? The only thing I found in this room were huge bags of oregano. They didn't have anyones names on them so I turned them into soup.”

Versus: “ORGEG...WH...WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY OREGANO!?! I MEAN BACK UP STASH!?!?”

Fausto: “The oregano is all gone. The hobos enjoyed it very much.”

Versus:
“You gave my stash to stank ass hobos? What the **** is wrong with you, what the **** is wrong with you, you idiot, you're even more remedial then 7 feet of **** for brains behind me!! STUPID ******* MORON!”

Fausto: “I said they enjoyed it very much. You should feel pleased that your possessions went forward to such a worthy cause.”

Versus: “What the **** is with you and all this goody 2 shoes bull****. I'm sick of all this non-stop happy Fausto crap. Literally sick, like I'm going to ****ing vomit right here on the floor from it all.”

Fausto: “Please don't. These hobos still seem incredibly hungry, and I think they may try to eat your vomit. I am against that because it seems highly unsanitary.”

Versus: “Give me a gad dayum break and stop this good Samaritan crap before I stop it for you permanently, Guybrush.”

Fausto puts down the scrubbing sponge.


Fausto: “Yeah. I should stop it. Like you did.”

Versus: “Oh great, here comes some big important speech from the hero.”

Fausto: “Someone has to be. When no one would raise a finger to help me all those months ago, you did. When no one could convince Nate that I was needed to stand against the Alliance, who went to bat for me? You did. Point is, when you decided you rather be an asshole, a complete prick who's out for his own hide, that void was left open. Someone has to be the good guy, the hero, and what the hell, I needed something to do to pass the time, so I went ahead and decided to start to fill in.”

Versus just storms about, back and forth, seething in anger.

Versus: “I don't miss bein that guy one friggin bit.”

Versus reels his fist back towards Fausto, and tries to send his hand forward, but is suddenly distracted by someone sniffing his back pocket. He looks down to see one of the hobos.

Hobo: “Soup? Sooouuuppp!”

Versus: “What the hell?! Why is a hobo attempting to molest me?!

Fausto: “You must have oregano on you. As I said, they really quite enjoyed it. “

The hobo keeps clawing at Versus, who begins to back pedal as he notices the other hobos begin to start to move towards him.


Versus: “Come on you jolly green douchebag, do your job! Body guard!”

Cooper: “Contract Sub-Section G-32, Article P, Line 27...I am to never rescue you from being molested.”

Versus: “I only meant you shouldn't rescue me from being molested by hot chicks!”

Cooper: “You mentioned nothing of gender of assailant or their rating on a 1 to 10 scale. Male Hobos who rate a 2 are acceptable molesters of you.”

Versus: “You friggin failed abortion! You are completely ****ing useless!”

Versus easily kicks the hobo away, but looks at the masses of unwashed humanity between him and his benevolent tormentor. Coop, Rachel, and the body guards back away as well.

Versus: “You're getting hobo on me scumbag! Vamoose!”

Fausto shrugs, as Versus is forced out of the room by the growing hordes of homeless. Fausto resumes scrubbing his pot clean.

Versus: “This isn't over! I'm going to take that pot out of your hide Guybrush! Just as soon as your hobo army is gone, I'm going to break your face for every bonghit you wasted!”

Fausto just shrugged, as Versus backs away slowly from the group of homeless, closing in on him from the Soup kitchen.

 

Here, Paris, read this.

This next match is going to be a barn...burner? What's a barn burner?

Read freak.

These two men have very comp...compli...what's this word?

Complimentary.

Complimananaanry styles, and this is why, this is tonights MAIN EVENT!

Look at that, reading at almost a 3rd grade level. Look at you!!

 

Main Event

Christopher Mania vs ???

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THAT WAS AN AMAZING FINISH!! MATCH OF THE YEAR CANDIDATE IF I'VE EVER SEEN ONE!!

I once lit a match when...


**Double S smacks Paris in the mouth.**

OUT OF THE CHAIR BITCH!! THAT MATCH HAS ME INSPIRED!! Next week everyone, another celebrity co-announcer tryout!! Hopefully next time we can get someone with basic comprehension skills!! Til next week, I'm Double S! GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE

 

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THE END!


 


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